An Estonian girl who has found a home in Sweden.

Wednesday, January 14

On Diets and My Weight History

January 14, 2009 Posted by Vaire

I talk about my weight quite often, mostly reporting progress because, well, reporting that noting happened is boring and setbacks are depressing. Jorun asked did I follow a diet and I thought that perhaps it would be interesting to read about what worked for me.

First, some background. I had always been skinny, I was skinny when I was a child, a teen and a young adult. I started filling in in my (very) late 20's and was at my perfect weight at 29-31. After meeting R, and moving in with him I went past "filling in" to gaining weight rapidly reaching obesity at 86 kilos in the end.

The trouble was that after being skinny all my life, I thought I was fat at 59 kilos and beyond salvage at 60. In reality, I had the best body I could ever have at 63 kilos — just the right amount of curves in right places. No one kicked any sense into me because I didn't really tell anyone what I thought saw in the mirror.

So when I continued to gain weight while being with R, I'd stopped caring and let go completely. See, I was so fat so it didn't really matter if I gained some more. Stupid, stupid, STUPID! R didn't care either and never tried to stop me eating myself to death.

Fast forward to Ireland and a house mate who inspired all of us to go to gym. I weighed myself first time in years and became even more depressed to see 82 kilos on the scales. Looking in the mirror I realised that all those years ago, when I'd had looked my best, I'd added 20 kilos to my mirror image. I looked at 82 kilos exactly as I'd imagined myself to look at 62. Crazy, huh?

Having gotten no support at all from R in my effort to lose those extra 20 kilos, I quit it all and continued to substitute food for the love and caring I did not get from him. As a consequence I weighed 86 kilos when he broke up with me.

I waddled when I walked and a kid on the street yelled 'fatty' at me. I felt fat, old and ugly. Of these three there was only one thing I could change, my weight. I decided to stop being fat.

At the company kick-off in September 2007 I saw exactly how much I'd been over eating. I started to reduce my portions and changed what I ate. I went with my gut feeling, eating what I liked, experimenting with food, and buying organic produce or ingredients.

The result is that I've lost 18 kilos and I eat lots of legumes, fibre-rich grains, dairy, and vegetables, with a little meat now and then. I buy organic whenever the option is there.

I had tried a few diets, but a diet is someone else's rules for someone else's body, not mine. In the end what worked was to reduce the portions to a sensible size and listen to my body, find out what kind of fuel my body needs.

It helps that I do not have a sweet tooth and have no cravings whatsoever for cake, soda, chocolate, biscuits or candy. My weakness was ice cream. Last year I made a concious effort not to buy it for several months. Of course, I didn't last all 14 weeks without ice cream, but I don't have have some in the freezer at all times any more either.

I'm not at my goal weight yet, nor am I done with adjusting what and how much I eat. I do not look as good as I looked when I passed the 68 kilo mark the first time, nor will I ever weigh 60 kilos again. There's much more work to be done to reach my goal and to improve the muscle tone. However, I am no longer fat, old, and ugly; and that is the most important bit.